You are Bengali if…
1. Your Parents have a panic attack if you don’t eat Rice at least TWICE a day
2. Your Parents act as if a Grenade has been lobbed into the Living Room when two people on the T.V kiss, and frantically search for the remote
3. Your Parents say “Why do you talk to people over the internet when you have a telephone?”
4. Then they screw at you for driving up a high Telephone bill
5. You can’t talk to the girl or boy next door because your parents will think you are going out with them, and will then attempt to kidnap you and take you to Bangladesh for a forced marriage .
6. You have an endless list of “uncles” and “aunts”.
7. Your Parents don’t think it’s worth spending over £2000 on a car, but don’t object to spending over £20,000 a year on Fish. (to eat)
8. You constantly have to fight in the Car to listen to your Western Music because your Parents want to listen to “beautiful” Bengali Music.
9. Every time you go to Bangladesh, you are treated like the Royal Family.
10. Every time you go to Bangladesh, you always manage to come back 3 stones heavier than when you left.
11. YOU CONSTANTLY have to pick up the phone when your parents go out, answering to people you don’t know, who tell you “tell your parents I’ll call them back soon” without leaving a name.
12. The problem is 10 times worse if your parents leave their mobile phones.
13. You have to drag in 10 kilos of “Basmati Rice” and Onions and Potatoes every month.
14. Everytime you go to Bangladesh, a £5 note is met by your relatives eyes with awe and wonder.
15. Everytime you go to Bangladesh, if you’re using your Laptop or watching a film on the Portable DVD player, theres ALWAYS a massive crowd right behind you.
16. Your parents complain you watch too much TV…then sit in the Living Room watching Bangla TV and Channel S for 6 hours.
17. Your Parents plan for you to become a Doctor or an Engineer before you even go to school.
18. On your Wedding Day, there are over 5,000 people attending, apparently “relatives”, of whom only 500 you ACTUALLY invited.
19. Every time Relatives from Bangladesh come to Britain to visit, you have to take them all around the City to see the sights, and then to make things worse, take 20 pictures of them infront of EACH Landmark.
20. Your Parents tell you to “only be friends with boys”, then worry about whether you are gay.
21. Guys, Everytime you are on MSN, and a Girl (your friend) starts talking to you, and your parents see their picture, a 2 hour interrogation follows.
22. If you swear infront of your parents, they start shouting and saying that you weren’t raised that way…then they start swearing at you in Bengali.
23. Most of the people in your family have JAPANESE cars.
24. Most of the people in your family have NOKIA phones.
25. Everytime you go to Bangladesh, you have a traumatic experience…from just being driven from the Airport to your relative’s house when cars, cows, rickshaws and motorbikes, and TUC TUCS swerve infront of you every half a minute.
26. Everytime you go to Bangladesh, you pay the Rickshaw driver TK 10 (0.0746268 PENCE) for hauling your fat ass for 30 miles.
27. Everytime you go to Bangladesh, theres a massive army of BEGGERS following you pleading for money.
28. Everytime you go to Bangladesh, you encounter an AMAZINGLY designed T-shirt..but has the GUCCI sign stitched with wool on it…and then the Shopkeeper tells you its “REAL”.
29. Guys or Girls: If you are seen with a girl or a boy in the shopping mall by a relative’s relative’s relative’s relative’s friend’s cousin, the News travels back Home faster than the Speed of Light.
30. Your country’s main airline is like mouldy cooking oil. “I wouldn’t use that if I were you…”
31.Your sister works as a secretary in a Law Firm, and your Parents tell people that she’s a Barrister.
32. You want to be called Indian…but your Parents would beat you up.
33. Your Parents tell you to use Face-cream instead of buying that Expensive Hair Gel.
If you fit the above Criteria, YOU ARE BENGALI!
